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Tourist robbed you of your home.

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so, i've been thinking about going away to california. i bumped back the date till january 8th, which, i'm glad i did. i'd hate to miss everyones birthdays, so, i think it was a good choice. but, i don't know.

 

 

but what if, what if i said this:

 

maybe i don't want to go and start over again. maybe i don't want to leave these amazing people that i have met over the course of the last couple or so months. what if, i don't want to lose all of my friends that i have considered the few people who actually care a lot about me, and in the process, feel more alone than i ever have.

yes, i love california. it's gorgeous. sunny skies, the stars shine everynight almost. no humidity, great people, great everything. but it doesn't have these people. i was at work, and i kept thinking how could i lose all these people. yes, i have no one tying me down, at all. i could up and go, and not feel a thing for a week, and than it'll hit me all at once and i'll want to come home

but, it's a once in a lifetime opportinuty to do something i have never done in my entire life. to live on my own, in a state i know nothing about, and meet different people out of my comfort zone. and just live life with no worries. no worries of my home life, my friends problems, work, anything at all except me. and, it sounds so selfish and i think i'm beginning to hate myself while i type this because it is selfish of me to do.but, i don't know. i want to go, but i don't want to lose everyone here. i'm torn in two over this whole ordeal. well, i don't know.

i've got time. all the time in the word. and who knows, maybe i'll meet someone here who lights up my life, and i won't want to go to california anymore.

 

who knows. nobody does. and i like it. the unknowing abyss that becomes clear when things happen. and it's such a great feeling to not know what life is going to bring you. one month i'm here, one month i'm out there. i'll just go where my heart will take me. and in that first step i look say goodbye, and do not miss me, for i will find my way home. i alwasy do. i always do.

 

keep on keeping on,

 

Kevin


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